Life is a Circle, but not like Disney

"Granny Beads and Grocery Store Feet"

Nothing prepared me to be bitten multiple times by my grandmother.

kelloggwomanWhen I entered this world, I had four living grandparents AND four living great-grandparents. Granny Matt (short for Mattie) and Papa Hurley passed before I developed memories of them, but family members have told me both loved me tremendously. It’s not good to grow up with six doting grandparents; it’s not so much the danger of being spoiled rotten — which I was — so much as such excess love doesn’t prepare a person for what a terrible place the world is.

Papa Wham passed in 1995 — the first person so close to me to die. I was attending a wake for a student who’d been killed in a car wreck when my brand new cell phone rang. The first cell phone call I ever received was to let me know Papa Wham was gone.

Little Papa Hughes…

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Why I Hate High Heels

by Meredith Clarke

I’ve always hated high heels. I don’t want to get out of the car because I know that I’ll have to put pressure on my feet again. Driving here was hard enough with three inches of rods attached to them. Whenever I could successfully angle my toes toward the gas petal—my only contact with the floor a plastic 2cm X 2cm pivot point—twenty blunt screwdrivers seemed to wedge their way into my shoe and press ever harder on the pads of my toes and the balls of my feet. I only cried once on the ride, and only for a few minutes. Thankfully I was smart enough to put on water-proof mascara this morning. It’s hard and clumpy, it prevents me from blinking properly, and it isn’t going anywhere.

I have to wear high heels because I’m wearing my mom’s pants because I couldn’t find my grey dress. She hates…

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Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman

Is This Thing On?

1. “I knew it!”

Even if you did know it, please pass on the opportunity to tout your psychic abilities (or your weird  claim that you unconsciously  smelled my pheromones.  ew).  When women say this, it usually means that they noticed your waist got a little bigger, or as one woman told me, “you had the waddle.” If it’s a man telling you this, then he might as well just say “Boobs,” because that’s what he noticed.    I promise.

2.  Any version of that horrific birth story you heard/witnessed/experienced

Just don’t.  Even if you think you are going to save your pregnant friend from pure disaster by recommending that she skip the epidural, or run screaming from the birth center, you won’t.  Chances are she has read all the horror stories and is staying awake at night thinking of them.  But as soon as you tell her those stories…

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